Life in my tiny Frat House.

I’ve never lived in a frat house. I have, however, lived in a house with five kids under the age of 12. Same difference.

Pee. Everywhere. Always.

Last week, I scrubbed urine off of the cover of my toilet seat, because my four year old forgot that he had to lift the lid before going. The resulting water fall was apparently amusing to watch as it cascaded onto the bathroom floor. Thus – he kept going, his hysterical laughter causing a show that rivaled the water spectacular at the Bellagio.

There is Constantly Food Everywhere

By the time I finished cleaning up urine-fest 2018, I walked out of the bathroom to find that Bellagio boy and his tiny sidekick had decided to feed the dog. Their helpfulness was thwarted by their glee, as they found that dog food kibbles roll like marbles. They do not, however, taste like cereal, as the tiny one had anticipated they would. The resulting spew of chewed dog kibble created yet another load of laundry.

There is Constantly Loud Music

My middle schooler has started learning the drums.

Middle school band may leave me deaf. I’m not sure this is a bad thing.

Drunken Escapades

My toddler may have a drinking problem. It’s juice, but in the half hour before nap time, it may as well be fermented, because that kid is stumbling around like he’s three (crib) sheets to the wind.

Wild Parties

Ok, maybe this is just because the neighbor kids are here at the moment, but my house sounds like there’s a rage going on. My chandelier is swinging, and I’m pretty sure at least one of the kids is wearing a bedsheet as a toga.

I may never have lived in an actual frat house – but I’m pretty sure I’m getting the experience. Maybe my kids will tire of the frat life before they reach college age, and lead exemplary college careers.

Or maybe they will train their fraternity brothers in the art of proper toga tying.